Seven is a 1979 action-adventure movie directed by Andy Sidaris. The screenplay was based on an original story idea by Sidaris.

A major criminal syndicate is aiming to take control of Hawaii. They’re not aiming to take over organised crime in the state, they’re aiming to take over the entire state. There are seven major kingpins in this criminal conspiracy. A decision is made that this situation is so critical that it cannot be dealt with by ordinary law enforcement methods. The solution adopted is to hire notorious and ruthless assassin Drew Savano (William Smith), let him assemble a team of seven equally deadly killers and have them take out the bad guys. No nonsense about collecting evidence or building a case or making arrests. The government wants these bad guys killed quickly and efficiently.

Drew takes on the job, for a fee of seven million dollars (everything in this movie comes in sevens).

Drew assembles his team. Lengthy preparations are made. All seven bad guys have to be hit at exactly the same time. Of course not everything goes entirely according to plan.

After a very long buildup the mayhem begins and very satisfying mayhem it is too. Lots of gunplay. Lots of explosions.

Don’t try too hard to make sense of the plot. This is an Andy Sidaris movie. The plot is there to justify the action scenes.

Andy Sidaris is best-known for the series of movies he made between 1985 and 1998, starting with Malibu Express. Seven was made a few years earlier, in 1979, and it’s clear that Sidaris already had his formula all worked out. It was a formula from which he would never depart, because it worked. And in Seven the formula is not just there in embryo, it’s already fully developed. The formula is simple – exotic locations, lots of violent action, glamour, and bare boobs.

Sidaris believed very strongly in shooting on location in exotic settings. That involved spending some money but it was way to make a movie look much expensive than it actually was. The locations themselves provided the production values. It worked.

As for the second element, the action scenes had to be violent without being graphic and they had to be fast-moving. Rapid-fire editing was an essential ingredient. Ideally each action scene had to have something in it to make it memorable. In Seven that meant using a hang-glider for a scene that could just as easily have been done with a light plane because a hang-glider was more unusual and cooler. Or having a hitman who rides a skateboard. Or having an action scene involving an inflatable sex doll. These things involved very little expense but they made those action sequences more memorable. Adding helicopters and rocket launchers is always a sound idea.

Sidaris spent much of his early career doing sports shows for television. It was ideal training for doing action scenes.

The third element was glamour. Sidaris wanted an atmosphere that reeked of money, glamour and excitement. Hawaii Five-O had demonstrated that Hawaii provided just such an atmosphere. Hawaii was perfect Andy Sidaris territory. To reinforce the glamour he’d add fast cars, expensive yachts and plenty of beautiful women.

The final ingredient was bare boobs. If you’re going to have topless scenes it makes sense to find actresses who are going to look great topless. What better choice than to use Playboy Playmates? So that’s what he did. They not have been great actresses but in an Andy Sidaris movie that’s not a major problem. His audience certainly had no complaints on that score.

There are a few weaknesses here compared to his later movies. The main problem is that the initial setup takes much too long. Sidaris learnt a lot from Seven. The pacing is much better in the later movies.

The plotting also became somewhat crazier in the later movies, which was a good thing.

William Smith is terrific – he really sells Drew as a character. We like the guy but he really is ruthless. He’s a professional killer but he’s now one of the good guys. For seven million dollars I’d join the good guys as well. He’s up against some very nasty people. He’s no Boy Scout but this is not a job for a Boy Scout.

The other cast members mostly just have to look either heroic or sinister or glamorous which they manage to do very effectively. There are lots of villains and they’re all extremely villainous.

Mostly though an Andy Sidaris movie is supposed to be good-natured fun. The violence is frequent but too cartoonish to be disturbing. The topless scenes are good-natured and rather innocent. This is clearly a movie made by a guy who has no issues with women. There is one evil woman in this movie but there are lots of evil men. The Playboy Playmates are there to take their tops off but they are never made to look foolish.

The Kino Lorber Blu-Ray offers a very nice transfer with a few extras.

Seven is not top-tier Andy Sidaris but apart from it’s pacing issues it’s reasonably good fun. Recommended.